The first weekend of May is here, and though I wasn’t expecting this when I moved to Portland, the weather is AMAZING. Like upper 70s/low 80s, and full sunshine. I’ve spent all week inside, scraping and cleaning up a bathroom in our house, so to get outside and enjoy all this glorious weather has been really, really nice. Also, I’ve made my first pair of jorts for the summer. My official uniform is now intact.
I haven’t held a permanent job in just over a month now, and I have to say, it’s been strange. Occasionally, I get anxious about money and how I’m going to pay my bills once I get to the bottom of my savings. Thankfully, though, Caleb is there to remind me of what I do for work these days – I am going to be a landlord. I’m in charge of running the house – the laundry, the housework, the remodeling of spaces as needed.
Since landing here, I’ve done some pretty thorough cleaning. The house we live in is a 1900 home, with woodwork everywhere. One of my first purchases was a jug of Murphy’s oil soap and a scrub brush, and it is with this that I’ve been progressively cleaning and attending to the rooms here. It’s a big house, and I can see why Caleb might have been overwhelmed by it when he first moved in. He thanks me all the time for the efforts I do put into this place, and it’s this appreciation that really kills any worry and anxiety I have over the state of affairs in my life.
I didn’t know it was going to be this simple and easy. Sure, I’ve got more personal challenges to attend to. I have a graduation to take part in. I have a book that I’d like to see in print. I have more and more words in my head that need to get on paper and out into the world somehow. I want to do more of the thing that makes me happiest – writing. I have a garden that is all mine. I have a wonderful home that I share with a man I really do love and respect. The weirdness inside me has settled out a bit. I’m not waiting for the other shoe to drop. I’m not living on a cliff-edge of worry and wonder. Not on a consistent basis, at least. That, for me, has meant the world.
I don’t miss the constant running around and go-go-go of my prior life. I don’t miss not having a place to hang my heart. I don’t miss the hours of scanning online profiles and dreaming of a life that seemed just out of reach.
I still need to find my way socially here, though. I know Caleb is worried about me becoming a bit of a shut-in. I do spent most of my time here, in these four walls, doing the things that are required of me. I’ve told him I’ll go out and do more once the house is set up and I have an income. Still, he thinks I need to get out and make friends and do things. This is the first relationship I’ve ever had where that was even considered, really. There is trust. There is respect for the individual. There is a balance that he and I have that I’ve never experienced before. It’s very, very refreshing. Again, it is something I never thought would be possible in my life.
It’s a beautiful Saturday, and I’m going to take a quick shower and get back outside. I have a garden to weed, and maybe I’ll turn over some more soil to make a flower garden come to life.
In any case, I’m pretty damn content, and it feels pretty damn awesome.