I don’t even know where to begin here. There’s so much going on these days that it seems hardly possible to keep up with it all. It has been a bit since I posted, but really I blame my friend Kevin for this. He was able to crank out a post over at his site, so I thought I ought to do something similar. Thanks, Kev. 😉
I’ve been quite successful with the non-smoking efforts here. I had a moment, though, as I transitioned down from Step 1 to Step 2 of the Nicoderm patches, that pretty much underlined in as thick of a marker as you can find why I need to be done and over all of this malarky already. I turned into a humongous monster towards Ray for about two days, being absolutely snarky, emotional, cranky, and all the rest, while my body adjusted to the new level of nicotine the patches were delivering to me. I woke up mad for three days straight, and no matter what I did, nothing seemed to make me feel any better. Well, except distraction, which, thankfully, Ray was able to help me find. I couldn’t focus on anything for too long, but I could at least let my mind calm down for a minute and let my jaw relax.
It needs to be restated here: I will never, ever, never go back to smoking again. This quitting shit is for the birds. I never, ever, never want to go through this again.
Now that some time has passed, and I’m about one week into my new level of drug delivery, I’ve been able to get on with my days. Work is work, which is neither here nor there. We start our Winter runs in a few weeks, and for me, that means I’ll be working a fixed schedule (Fri-Sat-Sun) for the first time in a number of months. I’ll have “regulars” again, and I’ll have to get used to the quirks and needs of a set amount of people whose schedules align with my route. It’ll be fine, if not a little boring on some level. What it also means, though, is that I’m guaranteed set days off for twelve weeks straight, which are Mon-Thurs each week. I can schedule workouts, writing, trips away from home, errand completion, and all of that, without needing to consult my calendar too much.
Speaking of the calendar, we’ve got a few things coming up that are pretty exciting. First, we are starting the new year with a trip to Arizona together. I’m meeting his mother and step-father in Prescott, AZ, and we are also taking time to explore his home state. He’s going to show me some of the highlights, as well as some of the places he always wanted to visit as a kid, but either didn’t, or didn’t appreciate enough in his younger days. Tucson, Flagstaff, and Sedona are all on the list, and maybe a view of the south rim of the Grand Canyon, depending on things.
After that trip, we are also planning a little adventure back east, with plans on seeing Washington, D.C., New York City, Boston, and of course, Maine. It’ll be my turn to show him where I’m from, what I grew up in and around, and explore the courses of my life when I was younger. I’m not as nervous about doing this with him – I’ve done this before with other boyfriends, so I’ve had practice – but I am interested to hear his thoughts about New England specifically. He’s never been there, and while it’s going to be a really, really cold time of year to visit, he will certainly have a better understanding of the kinds of things that shaped me. Especially in the cold and dark of early March. My only hope is that winter this year isn’t as awful as it was last year. If it’s looking like another wallop of snow for the east/northeast, we will have to re-align our plans some. Still, it’s important to show him where I’m from, especially as he and I get closer.
Creatively, I’m really, really enjoying my new writing group. After being cyber-introduced by my good friend Ren to this cadre of other writers here in Portland, I’ve met up with them a few times now, and am actually redrafting that damn memoir again. It’s taken on a lot more life, gotten a lot more colorful and engaging as the editing has been happening. The feedback has been really, really good, and it feels good to be putting down words that matter again. I also get to read their work, and critique and edit their stories, which has also kept my brain moving in the right wavelengths. It’s amazing how much I missed the interactivity that Goddard gave me with other writers.
Life is still pretty good here in Portland, OR for me, and I am truly thankful for it all. The beard is bushy, the rain has returned, and I’m finally feeling like my life is spinning in the right direction. I’m ready for the demands of the holidays. I’m ready to tuck in for a nice, dark winter, sink my teeth further into more books, and enjoy breathing.