The night before last, as I was getting ready for bed, I got some text messages from Ray as he finished up his shift. They were the typical things we talk about after work, but then, he asked me when I was going to get my summer schedule figured out. That doesn’t happen until early April, but for him, the penultimate planner, he cannot wait. He has already started scheming for our Summer 2015 camping plans, and as he told me what he intended on doing, depending on my schedule, I just sat there and grinned. I had one of those pauses, where I just looked up from my phone and smiled, realizing just what was going on.
We’ve been together now for about a year and four months. Last summer, it was utterly clear to me that this man, my Raymond, came into my life at just the right moment. I had all but given up on dating anyone. I was prepared to go it alone for a while, especially after the struggle I’d had at the end of my last relationship, feeling very alone, very destitute, and doubting myself and my abilities to the core. Finding a job, finding a new home, and then meeting Ray – well, it all seemed like too much of a good thing all at once. Surely, one of those three things were going to come apart at the seams, and I needed to prepare myself for that. I needed to constantly remind myself that I am my own person, undefined by another, and that I needed to be self-sufficient. I needed to make peace with myself, as I was going to be by myself for a long time. Just when I’d come to a sense of being, just when I felt like my old demon were in hiding or dead, that’s when this man, Raymond, appeared in my life. For at least six months, I was very unsure about the longevity of us. I forced myself to remain in the moment, and present, not making too many plans and hopes for the future because, as I’d always done before – up to and including marriage – it had blown up in my face. Rather than pin my happiness on the future-tense, I remained as solidly in the moment as I could.
Whenever I strayed too much into the planning of my future, Raymond reminded me, subtly, that he was just feeling things out with us as well, and that things could change for him, or for me, and that we needed to keep ourselves grounded. Time, though, has been the thing that has eased this pressure on us. Patience with him, along with patience in and for myself, has allowed us to now start making real plans for the months and weeks ahead of us. Now, it’s him who’s making plans four and six months out. He knows my scheduled vacations. He knows of my love of travel. He knows that I’m committed to him, and to us, and that I want to continue on this shared path with him. He trusts me.
If all goes as planned, I will land a schedule at work that will allow for some quality summertime adventures. One of the options given to part-time drivers is to work three 10-hour shifts a week. Some of those include driving Saturday, Sunday, and Monday or Friday, Saturday, and Sunday – which would afford us four days off in a row every week for twelve weeks. This schedule would work out great for him, as well, because he does the bulk of his shifts on the weekends too. Ultimately, if I can land a Fri-Sat-Sun work week, he wants to go camping every other week for the entirety of our summer. Four days away, every two weeks, for twelve whole weeks. This is definitely something I want to do. Given our experiences last summer, I know this will be amazing.
I still have a great place to call home. I still have a job that allows me to have a life and pay my bills. I still have this amazing man in my life who brings such sunshine and goodness that it’s almost too much to handle.