As of this writing, I’m officially down twenty-four pounds since June 21st, 2016.
That’s almost half-way to 200, from the 250 I was at. It’s been two months. That’s twelve pounds a month. If I can keep this up, I will be around my goal weight of 175 pounds, which is where I was when I met Ray, by the end of the year.
I’m really having a moment about this today, and really needed to get it out of me.
I still am not ready to share what I’ve been doing, mostly because I had a bit of a revelatory moment back in June about how I’ve been approaching health and weight loss. For me, it seems, the more I announce things online, the more I share my gains and goals and plans with those who know me online, the more apt I am to falter and fall off the wagon. This time around, though, instead of posting about it (though I’ve come *really* close at times), I’m just sharing photos of myself. I think, in time, the weight loss will become more evident, and if asked about it, I might share my secret. It’s really no secret – it’s just a better system of eating that works for me – but because I’ve imbued it with a little magic – a little bit of my inner pagan self who finds power in concoctions and potions and recipes – I can’t talk about it. Doing so will dissipate the magic. It’s a little like Fight Club in that the first rule is that you don’t talk about Fight Club. So goes this new journey I’m on.
In any case, I feel a ton better. I’m feeling way more alive, more energized, and more in tune with the animal-creature-being that I am. I’m figuring out what cravings actually are, what hunger actually feels like, and how best to respond to these needs. It’s really a re-learning of the things that have always been inside me – the biofeedback loops we are all born with – that have been muffled by years of eating incorrectly and responding to cravings in a way that is detrimental to the rest of my health.
I’m anxious to start exercise again, especially since I haven’t done much since I had surgery on my knee last February. I really put myself in a hole after that, afraid of pushing myself, afraid of hurting myself more, and psychologically, it took a massive toll on me. I found myself justifying the pizza, the beer, the constant naps and lethargy to just compensate for how awful I was feeling about being broken and not being the young and elastic man I once was. Right now, I can feel those emotions sliding back, dissipating, leaving my body, and what’s replaced it is a new-found confidence.
I still have quite a few milestones to arrive at. I still have things I’m not quite doing right, but overall, I have to say I’m really, really enjoying this little journey of mine. Who knows. I might actually be Fit by Forty.