I’m in the last few days before I begin work.  I have six days, to be exact, and it’s this last push, this last week or so, that I’m finding myself clawing at the doors of this house, this life.  I want out.  I want to be on my own, and in my own space, doing the things for me that I want to do for me.  I want to be on my own bed.  I want to start making my own paths, setting up the world around me in my fashion.

I have already begun the process of making a social network around me.  With each connection, more and more roots are being put down beneath me.  I can feel it.  When I’m walking back to this place of temporary shelter after a night of laughter and carousing with these fellas I’ve met, I can feel this wave of peace come over me time and time again, complete with a smile of satisfaction and, finally, feeling like I belong somewhere.  These guys have been nothing short of angelic to me.  Their generosity has blown me away at every turn.  When I start to feel badly and make mention of how I need to make it up to them somehow, every single one of them brushes it off and tells me not to worry.  They are making an investment in a friendship, in me, and that means so damn much to me, especially now, when I am going out of my mind with the wait.

I will say, I wanted this in Denver.  I wanted to have a walk home in the middle of the night where I felt like I had a place, had my feet beneath me, and was where I needed to be.  The fact is, I never had that there.  I never allowed myself to slow down enough there, or make the kinds of connections I needed to make in order to enable more growth.  By the time I did finally start to make any connections of merit, my heart and mind had checked out of Denver, with an eye towards the Pacific Northwest.  I have no regrets for moving here, apart from missing those whom I grew close to back at 5280′.

I have started planning out what my next three months might look like.  So far, it’s a loose sketch of budgets and plans and all of those little details that need to start falling into place once I start working.  I won’t be able to move into my own place right off the bat, and that was a big pill to swallow, but I can and will find a quality roommate.  I’ve had a couple offers made already, which means the world to me, as they are from people who simply want me to be happy and in a place that I feel comfortable in.  Still, I need to fine-tune things, set dates on calendars once I know what my pay schedule will be like, and focus on getting settled in at my job first.  Once that’s up and running, I can manage the move, manage the logistics of getting my few items from point A to point B, and really, finally taking a step forward again.

 

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