The sun has now passed into Scorpio, and the season of Libra has now ended.  I’ve begun a new year in my life, and what a life it has been thus far, only twenty-four days in.

Things with Caleb are continuing to steep and become stronger.  Everyday, we text, we reassure, we remind each other that in a few short weeks, we will be living together, and that the time apart for now is going to be very, very short.  The holidays are fast approaching, and there is so much going on for both of us in terms of work and projects, that we are eternally busy.  I do want to make an effort to get out to Portland to see him, and I know he wants to come here too.  Still, we both are very tied up with getting ready for our next phase, the together phase.  We will manage, and we will remain connected.

I’ve pulled myself together and redoubled my efforts with regards to debts paid off and school work and my physical health.  I’ve begun to notice real changes in my body, and each day, my mental state improves.  The diet I’ve begun has been good on me too.  I was noting with my friend Itai that, in fact, the changes I’ve made in my eating habits are really making some differences.  My body feels better, healthier, lighter.  I’m stronger on the inside, perhaps more than I’ve been ever.  I’m not starving.  I’m feeling nourished.

I’ve learned about my past addictions to going out and being social, and how much of my life those experiences had become.  It’s not that I am cutting out the “going out” entirely.  I simply have a better way of spending my time, and going to the bars and such is not something I value as highly anymore.  I don’t need what they used to offer me.  I don’t need the validation.  I don’t need the company of others to make myself feel better.  I’m feeling more content on my own, doing my thing, and focusing on the things in front of me.  It’s a strange thing to have this sort of certitude in my own flesh.  I’ve never been in this state of mind before, but I enjoy it.

This path that I’m currently on is steadily becoming more of the norm, rather than a change.  I can feel the changes I’ve made in my life becoming, simply, my life.  I like this.

I am anxious to see where the next few months take me.  I’ve still got some personal mountains to climb, and I will be surmounting them, one at a time, day by day.

2 thoughts on “End of Libra

    • I’m curious about alternatives in the gay world for socializing. My experience is that we have marginalized ourselves to bars and clubs for a variety of reasons. Where would you suggest?

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