It’s been nearly a week since leaving the Green Mountain State. I find myself readjusting to altitude, readjusting to the air here, and the job I left here when I took off to Vermont. It has been a week of readjustment, of recalibration, and trying to keep my focus on my writing and my future.
Tomorrow, though, I take off again. This time, I’m headed to Portland, Oregon, to spend the weekend with Caleb. It’s been over 100 days since we last were in each other’s company. This visit has been long overdue, but because of constraints with my job over the holiday season, there simply was no way to get away to see him sooner. We’ve been spending a lot of time chatting, both via text and video technology, and what has remained steadfast is our commitment to each other. We’ve spent the last few months really listening, really getting to know each other, and realizing that this is not just a flash in the pan. What we’ve got is legit, it’s for real, and has become something both of us have put trust and faith in.
I am no longer hesitant about my future with him. I am no longer worried about what might happen. I’m simply biding my time before I can begin my life there, with him at my side, and finally turn the page on this chapter that has been Denver. I have stated it before – I needed to come to this mountaintop, to this place, and allow myself the space to breathe and figure out where I’m at in my life. I had once thought Denver was to be my forever-home, but that has not come to pass. I’m not sad about leaving. I know that, thanks to technology, the people I have connected with here will remain connected to me, just as the people I have remained close with in other towns I’ve inhabited have remained. I may not be able to pop over to their homes for a cup of coffee and a chat, but I can reach out over the internet, send a little message of thought, and be there if they need me. That will always be the case for me.
I have a manuscript that I’m sending to both my advisor and second reader in the coming weeks. This is the tome of work I have been building since starting my program at Goddard. It is the end result of hours of reading, writing, clenching my jaw, getting frustrated, finding release, and miles upon miles of walking, driving, running, and hiking. This story, this thing, will be the indicator that I can finally move forward. I simply can not wait to bring it to life.
I have a lot of work ahead of me over the next few weeks. Documents that accompany my manuscript need to be created and approved by my advisor. I still have a few books to read and comment on. I still have things I need to add and revisit in the manuscript. I still have some demons to face. Still, I can see the end. I can feel myself on the verge of passing through a gateway, a portal, a doorway, into something I have been seeking for a while. My new life is ahead of me, but can only come once I’ve dealt honestly with my past.
That’s what my work will be this semester. Tying it up, cleaning it up, and coming to some sort of resolution.