Mid-Week Thoughts
Good Morning all!
It’s a bright, sunny March Wednesday out, so far, and I thought I’d drop a few notes about some stuff that’s been rattling around in my noggin these past few days.
On Monday, Nate and I had a chance to meet up with a fellow blogger and resident of the North End. His name is Brian. You can find out more about him at:
We had a lovely time, meeting up for coffee and wandering around our neighborhood. Brian led us through a side of the North End we don’t normally visit – the area between Christopher Columbus Park and North Square, for those who are familiar with the ‘hood – and we discovered a lovely little market down there which Nate and I will be going to more often. It was really, really nice to meet a fellow member of the Tribe that lives in this uber-macho neck of Boston, and to have him turn out to be also level-headed, easy to talk to, and just all-around good natured and good humored was a pleasant surprise. We will certainly be seeing him again!
Yesterday was a trip to Nate’s grandmother’s for another AWESOME home-cooked Italian dinner with his family. I got to spend time with his aunt Carol, and the new niece of the family, Tracey, which is always a good time (I’m a sucker for babies), and actually found myself connecting a little with his other niece, Jade. I don’t know why, but maybe it’s because she’s now the oldest sibling that I understand some of her behaviors better. I was the oldest of two – we’re not sure how many baby Browns that Jade will preside over – but, as those of you who are also eldest siblings know – there is a certain level of responsibility, of expectation, and effort that goes into being the eldest one. In any case, I got to teach Jade to say please AND bat her lovely eyelashes whenever she needed something from me. It works like a champ every time!
On another note, I’m in the process of making plans to attend Boston’s St. Patrick’s Day parade on Sunday, in South Boston. I have put out the word to those who follow me on Twitter (ukthom) or Facebook, and have got a few people on board. I did, however, get one response from a fellow Twitter follower that made me do a little thinking, and I will talk a little bit more about that later. There’ s a certain level of history regarding this specific parade in terms of being a member of the GLBT family, and my time has run too short this morning to talk about it. Maybe I’ll post about it tonight, or tomorrow.
The school app is being sent off tonight, as well. Here’s to being nervous about that!
I also have managed to secure an appointment for my travel shots at Beth Israel Deaconess’ Travel Clinic here in Boston. I’ll be all shot up with the interesting vaccines one must take when traveling to certain countries next week, so that ought to be interesting as well. I’m SO excited to have finally started putting the ball into motion regarding this trip, and I’m really looking forward to it. I’ve had a few rough ideas about how to best present the trip, and everything about it, to you all, so stay tuned for happenings with the blog. I’m thinking I might try to implement WordPress MU, if that’s a hint…
Anyway, time IS short, and I must fly to work. Have a wonderful rest of your week, and I’ll post again soon!
XX
Thom
SoundByte 60
Sixty episodes? Really?? This week’s show is an Early Monday Edition again – but there’s a good reason for it. Updates, music, thoughts, and all the stuff you come to expect from your favorite Boston podcaster are all in this show this week. Thanks for downloading and enjoy!
This Week’s Music:
- Shades of Love – Josh Gallahan
- Future Memories – ATB
- Wishlist – Pearl Jam
- To Love Somebody – Nina Simone
- Single – Natasha Beddingfield
- Proud Mary – Tina Turner
Podcast: Play in new window | Download
SoundByte 59
Good Morning All! It’s an Early Monday Edition of the show, so nevermind my bedroom voice and groggy tone. Today’s show is just a few updates, and the reason why I decided to wait till March 1 to record a show. Hope you all enjoy, and thank you so much for downloading!
This week’s music:
- Don’t Rain on My Parade – Bobby Darin
- Baby When The Lights Go Down – David Guetta featuring Cozi
- Swept Away – ATB
- To Love Somebody – Nina Simone
- The Storm (Inpetto Remix) – Jerry Ropero featuring Cozi
Podcast: Play in new window | Download
A Quiet Sunday
I know, I know, I should have put out a show today. I got my notes all together, and nearly started recording, but the ADD kicked in, and I started the dishwasher instead. Just as it was finishing, Nate came home, and as he was out late last night, I didn’t want to keep him from catching a few zzzs this afternoon. In fact, he’s still sleeping – a 31 hour stint of awake time yet again. I love him to bits, but I get so worried when he does this to himself. Call me Worrywart Wanda, I guess.
This morning, I will admit, wasn’t without it’s productivity, however. I managed to dive head-long into a story I’ve been writing for a bit now. It’s a story about a young man who wakes up and realizes what opportunities he missed by following instructions, rather than his own personal instincts, while in college. I know that sounds super-generalized, but I don’t think I can really give anymore out than that. Someday, you’ll be able to read it, but for now, it remains a nebulous creation of yours truly. That, and it’s four other sibling-stories, are sitting there, looking up at me everytime I open my Google Docs account, and saying “do something with us, will you?”
Yes, my stories talk to me – like little children.
Along those lines, I did manage to get my FAFSA filled out and in the mail today. Now, all I need to do is secure one more letter of recommendation – something I’m going to do start after writing this post – and get my transcripts from UNH sent to Goddard. After that, I just hit the “Submit Application” button on the Goddard website, then cross my fingers. Hard. And my toes.
Gosh, there aren’t many hurdles left for me to overcome with this application, are there??
Don’t mind me, just having a bit of a reality moment.
…
Anyway, so I managed to do that this morning. I’m liking the way my editing skills are starting to take initiative, too. I feel I can really look down the bones of my stories and pull out the essential bits, and refine them to where they sound reasonable and logical, and closer to what I had initially envisioned. I suppose this skill just comes with time and practice, but of course, I wouldn’t have known that without first going through the paces.
I also want to drop a quick note to my Brother and Sister in Law as they welcome their new daughter (and my new niece) Tracey into the world. I haven’t had a chance to see the little sweetie, but mom and baby are doing okay, by all accounts, and are resting at the hospital for a bit before coming home. Hopefully next weekend, I’ll be able to go meet the little darling.
In other news, there’s not much else going on. It’s my last week at DSW this week (three more shifts – Monday, Thursday, and Friday). I’m pretty pleased with that. I’ve been fighting off the urge to just walk out of every shift since I gave my notice, but I’ve managed to keep it together, so far.
I guess that’s it! I’ll have more to talk about on tomorrow’s Early Morning Edition of the From Bostonia podcast. I want to go a little deeper with my writing, and my thoughts on my writing, and as promised, I will talk a little about the photo shoot I was at last night. I do hope this post finds you all well. I’m keeping the Chilean people in my thoughts, and I hope you are too.
-Thom
Decided To Post
It has been a while since I had written anything here – or at least it’s felt that way to me, so I figured I’d sit right down and write myself a blog post. Yes, it’s been one of those weeks.
Things are winding down for me at DSW, thankfully. Today was, hopefully, the last Saturday morning I have to give up to the gods of consumerism and chasing paychecks. I won’t be working next week at 8am, and personally, I’m thrilled by that prospect. I only have a few short shifts between now and the end of my moonlighting job there, and to say that I’m happy to be rid of the place is an understatement. There have been moments in the recent shifts I’ve worked out of a sense of duty and responsibility to fulfill my two-week notice, that I just wanted to throw down my discount card and walk out. The petty, silly, stupid games played by managers in such a retail establishment, all focused on driving up numbers that equate to bonuses for them, just does my head in. I don’t live in that reality anymore, and frankly, I just don’t give a shit if a customer buys a pair of shoes or not. I just don’t care.
Tonight, Nate is off to Providence with his Friday Night Boys. It’s a gang of men he’s become friends with (and I have too, of course) that usually meet up on Friday nights at the Alley bar, here in Boston. It’s a great group of men, and though I already have plans tonight with Sean, I do hope he and the boys have fun in Providence. He has been working like a dog just to stay up to speed at his job, and he truly does deserve a night away from it all. That said, he works in the morning, and will be doing an all-nighter tonight…it’s what he does in order to have any semblance of a social life. No, it’s not the healthiest way to be, but needs must, and Nate needs to have a space of sociability in his life.
For my part, I’m all gussied up for an evening with friends myself, with dinner at friends, and then playing assistant on a photo shoot with Sean. It should be a good time, and I am looking forward to seeing an artist in action. This has been something he’s been planning for a while, so I hope it all goes good, and that I’m not in the way. I also hope to learn a little something about the photographer/model interaction. I will give a full report on the podcast tomorrow 
Things, as far as I know, are a go with Ethiopia, too. I put in for the 6.5 days off that I ‘d need to take, which would eat up all of my vacation time, but haven’t heard back anything from my manager.
Anyway, that’s about it. It was a long, arduous week at work, and I’m glad to be facing Saturday night again. It’s a good place to be.
-Thom
Thursday Morning Over Coffee
I do not know why, but it seems we’ve entered the darkest part of winter. Yes, yes, I know the sun is coming up earlier and setting later – it’s been doing that since December 21, 2009. Still, this time of year, the period between high winter and the beginning of spring, has become a real struggle as of late. Any energy that was on tap from the New Year, along with the resolutions and future planning, seems to have dried up, or just gotten lost in the thick of it all. I’m not sure why, or how I’m going to navigate my way out of this little hole I find myself in, but it’s taking all I have to just keep trying. No, I’m not necessarily whining (okay, maybe a little), as I know, once I find my feet under me again, I’ll be off and running like a shot. It’s just that I’m not getting any traction. The same can be said for life at work, and outside of work. I just feel like I’m keeping my head above a waterline that’s creeping up ever-so slowly.
I wonder what causes this? I know I’m not the only one who’s facing this feeling. Maybe it’s that, from a kid, we’re programmed to have a week off in February to gather our strength and get back on our feet? Maybe that’s what I miss? I do know, after a brilliant realization, that I’ll have next Monday off from at least one job, which, for me, is a sweet blessing. I’m hoping to spend my morning relaxing, somehow, and will have the energy to do the things I’ve been meaning to do for a while now. I still need to reconnect with influential people in my life and cajole them to write me a letter of recommendation. I still need to file my damn taxes. I still need to complete my FAFSA. I still need to write, and find some space in all this chaos to stoke that fire inside me which is nothing more than a bed of luke-warm coals at this point. I need to send an e-mail to my grandmother. There are so many things I need to accomplish – maybe I’m just feeling overwhelmed? Maybe this feeling of being in neutral is a direct response to how much I need to get done?
No, mom, it’s not procrastination. I will say, though, it might be lack of time management skills. Maybe I need to schedule myself more?? Ugh…I despise schedules, truly.
Anyway, as you can see, my mind can’t seem to stay on one train of thought for more than two seconds. It’s bouncing around like a pinball. I’m hoping to get through this cup of coffee, maybe pour another, and finally feel like I can start to face today. Just today.
-Thom
SoundByte 56
Hey all! It’s another Early Monday Morning show! We had an awesome weekend, which I recap, and reveal a little bit about where I’m at, both in my head, and looking forward. Thanks for downloading the show, and look for more posts on the blog – I don’t do it enough, I know.
XX
Thom
This Week’s Music:
- By Your Side: Melina
- My Feeling: Junior Jack
- Bliss (Alpha 9 Club Mix): Alpha 9
- My Saving Grace: ATB
- Feel Your Love: Kim Sozzi
Podcast: Play in new window | Download
Mid-Week
I still can’t believe it’s only Wednesday. I’m feeling so tired, and beat down, surely, it must be closer to Friday than this? In any regard, I didn’t want to post just so I could bitch and moan. I wanted to just write down some of the thoughts that greeted me upon waking this morning.
Soon, there will be a shift in my life. Soon, if all goes well, my life will become a little restructured, and though I welcome a change up of things, I’m still wondering how I’ll make the adjustment. These changes, thankfully, have been coming at me in a semi-organic way – meaning if it felt good/right, I went with it; I am rolling with it. Still, as with most changes, there is an adjustment period, and it’s that time which usually causes the most anxiety in me.
Okay, so I’m talking rather nebulously, and for that I apologize. Honestly, after this Friday, I’ll go into more detail. I mentioned I have an interview for a new second/part-time job on the podcast. I’m also preparing myself mentally for the adjustment of school. I was working on my study plan yesterday morning, and as I was going into finer detail with what I want to focus on, and what I want my writing to explore, it really hit me that this whole process is going to take a large chunk of my already-short time. I may not have time to work both jobs, and attend to my studies. I would probably need to give up a job in order to create space in my day/week for the work I’ll be doing. I only hope I can manage to figure out a way to pay my share of the bills, and still be able to give the majority of my attention to doing my best with regards to school. Still, if there’ a will, there will be a way. It will be up to me to find it, and adjust. Always adjust.
For now, I do know I’m tired of working two jobs and having little to show for it. I can recognize when I’m not using my time in the most efficient way possible, or earning money in the most efficient way I can. I’m hardly using my degree, or any of my further education that I’ve already earned, so there’s lots of potential energy stored inside me that could be put to use. I could be commanding a higher salary, and it’s that realization that keeps me moving forward, trying to find the best balance of my time, and earning potential, to match my abilities and our expenses. Eventually, I will get there. Eventually, I will be in a more fiscally comfortable spot, with a work/life balance that comes close to the ideal for me. Until then, I’m going to be in flux, and I’ve got to keep on my toes.
Right…off to get ready to go to work!
-Thom
Tuesday Morning Random Ramblings
I woke up today with no intentions. I mean, normally, I wake up, make myself a cup of coffee, and sit down in front of the computer with the intention of putting some more words down, or catching up on the blogs I follow, or even just getting my iPhone updated. Today, though, none of that seemed to feel just right. I don’t know what’s going on with me, but lately, it feels like I’m just floating through my days, not really sure which direction I’m headed. I mean, I know I need to shower, eat, get to work, get home, then get to work again tonight. I also know I’ve got stuff I should be working on, and things I need to accomplish. It’s like just beneath the surface there lies all this motivation, but somehow, the surface of the pond has a skim of ice, and I can’t quite break through to that energy that lies just below, yet within sight. Even if I take a fist, or a hammer, to the ice, it’s strong these days.
And there I go talking in metaphor again.
I did manage to get my hands on a few books from the library yesterday, from probably the most disgruntled librarian I’ve ever met, I might add. Still, she checked me out, took my $.10 overdue fee, and at least she didn’t growl at me too loudly so as not to scare the children who were also in the library at that moment…
These are the books:
- How Fiction Works by James Wood
- Contemporary Gay American Novelists, edited by Emmanuel S. Nelson
- Rewilding the World: Dispatches from the Conservation Revolution, by Caroline Fraser
The last title was on a recommendation from listening to a show on NPR, and I know I’ve already got a STACK of books I should be reading, but from what I heard on the show (I think it was Talk of the Nation?), the book seems like it’ll be a good read.
Maybe I just need to get outside more often. It seems like, since we got back from Provincetown, I really haven’t gone outside during the day.
In fact, I spent most of last weekend inside, either at work, or here, at home, on the computer. Now that I think about it, maybe I’m just being super lazy, or avoiding the piles of work that are creeping in at me from all sides. Like my mom is keen to point out, procrastination has always been a fault of mine, and I just need to take the bull by the horns, knock off the BS, and get down to it.
Notice how the coffee’s kicking in, and my thoughts are starting to string together? Well, if not, I can certainly feel it.
So, here’s the plan, then. Strictly enforce a Twitter/Facebook blackout on myself for a few days, at least while I’m at home. Stop checking my damn phone for missed messages or updates from people. Take a little stroll in the morning to clear my head, and get me moving internally. Then, with a little music in the background, get down to it, and work some more on what I’ve been writing. See? When I put it down in writing, it doesn’t sound so hard, but when push meets shove, that’s where the true test of my resolve lies.
And, yes, I do enjoy a good stream of consciousness bit of writing from time to time.
SoundByte 54 Mid Winter Vacation Show
Today’s show is a reflection on the vacation that Nate and I took to mark our 9th year of being a couple. I also talk about where I’m at in my head, and where I am with regards to school, politics, and being social. It’s a reflective show, and a little random, but I hope you enjoy! Thanks for downloading!
-Thom
Leave a voice mail: (617) 466-9740
Today’s Music (in no order):
- Feel Your Love: Kim Sozzi
- Begging You (Armin Van Buuren Remix): Cerf, Mitiska and Jaren)
- A New Day: ATB
- Mysterious Skys: ATB
- Walking on Clouds: Tiesto
- Death and All His Friends: Coldplay
- Riddles in the Sand: Ron Hagen & Pascal M
Podcast: Play in new window | Download
A Week Beyond
So, I know, I know…I’m overdue for a podcast. I promise, there will be a show this weekend, and probably an extended one. I’ve got so much to catch you all up on. This morning, though, I wanted to just get some stuff out in writing, and see where it takes me.
A week ago, Nate and I were tucked away in our little room in a quaint little guest house in Provincetown. A week ago, I was struggling to unwind, struggling to let go of my anxieties and just relax on our little break from reality. Today, I find myself struggling to get up the gumption to get out of bed, let alone be productive and creative. It’s like my body is here, in Boston’s North End, but my mind (and potentially my heart) have found a home away from home at the end of Cape Cod and are refusing to catch the next bus home. I’m clinging to the feeling of relaxation, of not taking myself so damn seriously, and of simply smiling because I woke up to see the day before me. I know, eventually, this feeling of floating will subside, and I’ll be looking at the calendar, wondering when my next opportunity to get away with Nate will be coming. For now, I’m just getting through the week, and hoping the weekend comes quickly and painlessly.
I am pretty happy with the progress I made this week with regards to my school application. I decided to just give it up, and submit my writing pieces. When I mean submit, I mean I’ve added them to my school application, with the unwritten understanding that I won’t be editing them again until I’m actually in school. I’ve put that whole fear of failure with regards to the words I wrote behind me, and now am looking at gathering the info I need to plan out two years of studying. I have a general idea of the overarching focus of what it is I’m going to be doing, but it’s the finer details that I’m worried over. I also need to develop a bibliography of books I’ll be using in my studies. It’s going to take some time, and some research, but I think I’ll get there, hopefully by the end of next week. That, coupled with filling out my FAFSA, will put my application to rest, at least in terms of my end of it. There’s still the letters of recommendation to collect, and transcripts to request. Soon, though, it’ll be complete. Then, it’s a matter of waiting to hear from Goddard.
There are so many other things rolling around in my head right now that need to be attended to, and sorted through, but I’m hoping a little downtime this weekend will prove to have the soothing effect I need. Right now, I just need to get my life in order, and get through the tasks I feel have fallen behind, organize my schedule, and set some reasonable goals in terms of my writing. I also get to undertake filing my 2009 taxes (joyful time), and hopefully get a sizable refund. That would come in VERY handy right now – especially in terms of putting money in the bank, and saving for our next adventure out.
Anyway, I’ve got to get ready for work, but know I’ll be back on the air this weekend, with a mouthful to say, I’m sure. Thanks for standing by!
-Thom
Having Returned
We needed that. We needed the chance to re-connect, to break away, and to take a breath. Our trip to Provincetown, MA over last weekend provided us with the perfect opportunity to do all we were missing during the holiday season last year. We shared each other’s company, we got out in the fresh air, we shared a few drinks, ate a fabulous meal or two, and took a few deep, well-earned breaths of fresh January air.
Below is some of the evidence of our little excursion:
Click for more!
I needed the chance to refocus my energies on the things that I began shortly after our last trip to Provincetown last October. I came back from that trip with a heightened sense of ability, a realization that our life was too damn confined and limited, and a real drive to move forward. This trip served as a refresher of those exact same feelings. I was able to jot down some thoughts while we were there, in a little composition book that I kept with me for most of our trips out. I was able to take a step back, and work on building up my own confidence in my abilities, and now realize that the only thing standing in my way is myself, even more than I thought before this trip. In fact, I realize more clearly now that I need to finish what I’ve started, not only for my benefit, but for the benefit of Nate, and our relationship. He deserves a chance at a life better than the one we have currently, and it’s my responsibility, not only as his husband, but as a man who owes so much to him, to provide for him, and for us. I can do that, as long as I am able to take the massive leap of faith in myself that needs to happen.
There’s so much going on in my head right now. I’m feeling myself stumbling over what to write, even here. I suppose, for now, I’ll stop, and go into more detail on my next podcast, which will probably be sometime this week, if not on next Sunday. For now, I’m just going to let the after-glow of the long weekend away continue to wash over me, and not get too wound up about things. Being overly anxious only serves to stand in my way when dealing with what lies ahead for me.
-Thom
Before We Go…
So, before we head off to Provincetown, MA for our anniversary celebration/mid-winter break from reality, I wanted to do a quick blog post, and just share a few of the thoughts rolling in my head.
As most of you know, the Prop 8 Trial has started in California. Though I’m very much on pins and needles to see how the trial turns out, honestly, I’ve tried my damnedest to not get too worked up over it. I know, I know…but, Thom, you’re a gay man who’s married, and this trial can have a direct impact on your life and the legal status of your marriage…believe me, I’ve been saying that to myself for days now. After the loss of gay marriage rights in Maine, though, I’ve recoiled, and in a way, turned my attention inward. I don’t agree that the right to marry should be on display, or even up for judgement. It should just be. That said, I appreciate the legal system we have in this country, and I appreciate the process of getting the laws written down in such a way as to protect current and future people from discrimination. I do hope for a positive result of the trial, and I desperately want my gay and lesbian brothers and sisters in California to be afforded the same rights that I currently share with Nate here in Massachusetts. I still don’t understand the ramifications of this case being tried on a federal level, but I have a feeling it’s going to be a precedent-setting result, one way or the other.
I’m also staring down the application for school that is a constant reminder on my desktop. The application essays need to be edited, the questions all answered to the best of my ability, and honestly, I haven’t had the courage to face them lately. It’s not that my passion for it has waned, as I know going back to school, and doing it the way I’m applying to, is the right direction for me. I just need a little more reassurance, from myself to myself, that I’m worth and capable of chasing down this goal and achieving it. I’m hoping that the recharge of my batteries this weekend will provide me with that assurance, and though I’m not going into this break in P’town with any real expectations or goals, it would be nice to come back with a clearer head, and a more focused drive to get this application off my desk. For that, I’m just going to need to dig deep.
I will be going “radio-silent” while we are away, though I have a feeling Nate isn’t going to be the same this time around. If you do need to reach me, you can send an e-mail, and if it’s urgent, I’ll respond, but until Tuesday morning, you won’t be hearing much from me. Unplugging worked wonders for me the last time we took a break like this, so I’m hoping to have a repeat performance.
Thank you to all of you who have wished us the best, and who continue to follow me, and us, online. We’re a funny couple of guys, but truly, we do appreciate the love and support you all have given us.
My thoughts are also with the people of Haiti, as they come to grips with the massive earthquake that has rocked that tiny, desperately poor country to its core. Please, keep them in mind, and do what you can to help. Even a good thought (or prayer, if that’s your thing) will do a small amount of good. Heaven knows, there’s not enough attention paid to the others who inhabit this planet, and taking a moment out of our days to send some cosmic good out there would be a refreshing change for most of us, myself included.
Till Tuesday!
XX
Thom
Frosty Morning Thoughts
This past week was the first full-length week of work since before Christmas. Honestly, I couldn’t wait for Friday to come. Now that it’s Saturday morning, and I’ve got a short shift at DSW this morning, then freedom till Monday, I’m feeling the effects of such a long week. I don’t know why, but everywhere I turned, I found something to stress over. If it wasn’t a terrible phone call from an irate customer, it was a project that needed to be done ASAP, or racing to get home in time to run back to my next job. I did find one morning to accomplish quite a bit of writing, but that was because, for some reason, my body thought 3:30 am was a great time to wake up. It was a nice respite from the rest of the week, but for the last two days, I’ve been playing catch up with my sleep. Only today am I starting to feel more like myself.
Nate made mention of the anxieties in my life right now during the week last week, and that’s been sticking with me for a bit. I suppose I am facing some rather big things right now, and maybe, underneath it all, I am worried about a lot. In no particular order they are:
1. School application. I need to finish/edit/submit the damn thing and just put it out there for all to witness. Letting go of it, and putting my work up for judgement does, in a way, terrify me. Okay, so it really terrifies me.
2. Work. Both jobs are building pressure on me, kind of like a pressure cooker you’d use to make canned beans. I can see the gauge on the top of the cover inching upwards in p.s.i., and I’m not sure how to relieve the stress, or let some of it go. I know I need to keep trying to leave the stress of work at work, but this week, I found that to be more of a challenge.
3. Health. I’m pretty sure I put on a little weight over the holidays, and though I really don’t want to think about it, and I don’t want it to be an impediment to my life, I’m reminded that I need to clean my act up and make the efforts needed to slim back down a bit every time I walk or move. Bits of me are a bit more round than I would prefer. Nate constantly reminds me that I still look fine, and when I look in the mirror, I know I’m not seeing some drastic need for a weight loss regime. Still, I feel it. It’s a general malaise that needs physical activity – be it a run or a brisk, long walk a few times a week or something more intense, like a gym membership – in order to shake it. I’m also feeling the pressure to make another attempt at giving up the nic-sticks so we can afford to go to they gym. This too must be done. I just need to find the willpower and wherewithal to actually make an attempt.
It’s not a really bad life I lead, and I know these stresses are minute compared to those that many of you, and most of the people around me, face on a day-to-day basis, so I try to keep that in mind whenever I feel myself going back into my shell. Still, these little points of anxiety are resting on me, I feel them, and I know they all need to be dealt with.
-Thom
A New Year Begins
I am currently writing from a hotel room in Torrington, CT. Nate and I are with his parents and aunt, and will be attending the funeral of one of Nate’s family members who passed away just before Christmas. He was a very close cousin to Nate’s father, and by all accounts, a dear man to many people. His passing was sudden, and being around the holidays made for quite a shock to those close to him. For me, it’s the first time I will be meeting a side of Nate’s family that I’ve never seen before.
Funerals aren’t always the best places to meet extended family members, but it is generally at these times, and at weddings, when such meetings occur. I’m nervous, and was slightly hesitant about coming, but now that I’m here, I’m glad I came. I know my father-in-law appreciates having the support of his close family nearby.
I will go into more detail tomorrow on the podcast, especially with regards to our New Year’s Eve festivities, so do come back to the blog tomorrow.
Happy New Year!
Thom
Breakthrough…a beginning
This morning, I stared down the question on the application for school that has me detailing my plan of study for the next two years. The program I’m applying to is self-directed, so as part of my acceptance into the program, I need to demonstrate that what I want to do, and how I intend on achieving a Masters in Fine Arts, is up to snuff. I need to demonstrate that I can plan, I have a goal, and that there’s some semblance of direction with my course of study.
I have spent a large portion of time locked in this sort of freeze-up in my head. Each time I sat down to plan, I felt like I was staring down the barrel of a gun, and if I strayed from what is considered acceptable, my application would be tossed into the bin, and I’d be passed over for a better candidate, a better student, someone with more focus and vision. I have been in utter terror of that happening, and in fact, that’s been the entirety of the application process for this program. With each question on the application, I’m faced with the fear of being judged, of being tossed aside. This morning, though, I had a little bit of a psyche-up with myself, and broke through that fear, at least a little bit.
I got angry with myself for being scared, and then set about detailing the stuff I want to do while I go back to school to earn my MFA in Creative Writing. No, it may not be the most polished plan, and I still have a couple of semesters to fill in, but it’s something. I don’t want to get into too much detail here, yet, but suffice to say, what I want to get out of further education, and how I intend on using my time at the school I’m applying to (if I stick to what I’ve written so far), will be some of the most amazing, creative work I’ve every taken on. I’m putting my heart and soul into this opportunity, and I would love nothing more than the opportunity to see where this path leads me.
I guess, in the end, I could do what I want to do on the plan I’ve created without attending school, but as an educator in search of a higher degree, if I can incorporate earning a better pay rate, and another credential on my resume, with a deep-seeded passion of mine (writing), then it’s all for the better.
Again, and as always, more details to come as all this unfolds.
-Thom
SoundByte 51 Inter-Holiday Show
Today’s show is all a reflection on our Christmas, with a little peek into New Year’s and the resolutions I have. I wanted to extend a warm thank you to everyone who follows me on here, listens to the show, and offers such amazing support and friendship. Thank you to all, and I hope you had a wonderful holiday!
Today’s Music:
- Song For a Winter’s Night – Sarah McLachlan
- My Favorite Things – Herp Albert and the Tijuana Brass
- Sleigh Ride – Herp Albert and the Tijuana Brass
- Christmas is Coming – Vince Guaraldi
- My Saving Grace – ATB
- I Remember – Deadmau5
- LA Nights – ATB
- Time After Time – Sarah McLachlan and Cindy Lauper
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Post Christmas 2009
It’s a rainy, warm day here in Boston today. It’s a day that’s kind of grabbed my thoughts, and won’t seem to let go. I don’t know if I’m just decompressing from the crazy time that was two weeks before Thanksgiving up till now, or what it is, but I can’t seem to shake myself out of it. I woke up today with tons of thoughts in my head. Perhaps it’s just a good day to write, to get some of it out, like releasing the steam on a pressure cooker, and maybe take a walk in the rain. I’m not sure yet, but I can feel something brewing.
I’m totally looking forward to next year, both on a personal level, and from the perspective of being one half of a happily married couple. Nate and I had a fairly topsy-turvy year last year, but things finally took a nice swing in a positive direction, and by all accounts, we’re still moving in a positive direction. We are now preparing for our winter break away from reality, as we are headed to Provincetown for a long weekend in the stunning silence of January on the outer cape. I know we’ve been making lots of social connections lately, but truth be told, I’m ready to recharge my batteries. I’m going to be using our little getaway not only as a chance to finally celebrate our first anniversary as a married couple and nine years of being together, but also as a chance to put my real desires and plans for the new year out there. I don’t know what that means completely, but I know there are a few things that could happen next year that would be more positive steps in the right direction, for both us as a couple, and me as a part of that relationship.
I’m talking vague here…There will be more details to share as they unfold, I promise. For now, I’m going to do a little writing, record a show, and if the mood strikes me still, I might take a little venture out in the rain. The stuff I’m made out of floats more than melts, so I know a little rain won’t hurt me.
XX
Thom
SoundByte 49
This show is kind of bizarre. I seemed to struggle at stringing sentences together…in any regard, I talk about the first anniversary of my marriage to Nathaniel, the application to school, and where I’m at in my life these days. Thank you for downloading, and let me know what you think!
This week’s music:
- LA Nights: ATB
- A New Day: ATB
- Ordinary Miracle: Sarah McLachlan
- Ride: DJ Tiesto
- Call of Loneliness: Reeves
- Never Do a Tango With an Eskimo: Alma Coogal
- Linus and Lucy: Vince Guaraldi
- I Saw Three Ships: Barenaked Ladies
- Wintersong: Sarah McLachlan
- God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen: Barenaked Ladies
- Saving Grace: ATB
Podcast: Play in new window | Download
So, Why Do I Want to Join the Gym?
This was the question posed by my brother-in-law, Ben, last night, while we were at Ma ‘n Pa Brown’s house for dinner. Nate and I have decided that we need to get to the gym, as a couple, and really do something about how we feel about our bodies. Both he and I have certain goals we want to achieve, and as a personal trainer, Ben wants to help us achieve them. Nate was pretty clear to his brother about what it is he wants out of a membership to the gym. I, on the other hand, was not. Well, not to my standards, anyway. So, like a good blogger/writer, I’m here to hash it out on the page, right in front of you all.
I have been off and on at gyms for the past ten years of my life. It started as a way to control my weight while I was at UNH. It was part of my huge weight loss, and I attended the gym every other day, doing a small circuit of weight training. At that time, it was all about weight loss for me, so I never supplemented my work outs with any substantial diet that would allow for muscle development. I just wanted to be skinny. It wasn’t actually very healthy for me to be at the gym at that point, but it became an obsession for me.
Then I stopped. I stopped attending UNH all together, actually, and fell out of my routine at the gym.
A couple of years and a bad relationship later, I joined yet another gym in Portsmouth, NH. This time, it was all about getting sexy. I wanted to be the hottest boy to walk into the bar or the club. I wanted to shed some of the extra depression weight I had put on in the bad relationship, and for the most part, I did. But, again, I also put myself on a very, very restricted diet, and shed a ton of weight, plus I was working at a job that had me running on my feet all the time, and was about a forty-five minute walk away from where I lived, as I didn’t have a car at that point in my life. So, basically, the gym became something I didn’t really go to, and so I dropped my membership.
Then, the next time I joined a gym wasn’t until I graduated college in 2003. Nate and I had moved to Maine, and I was working a desk job. I had noticed my rear end was going very east-west, as I sat at my desk, and basically didn’t move all day. I didn’t have a walking regime, and I was feeling pretty let down about life after college. It wasn’t exactly what I wanted. So, I joined the local YMCA, and started to go. I didn’t really stick to that either, but it did give me a small outlet for my frustration. Again, I wasn’t supporting my gym work outs with any sort of diet, but this time, I think the gym helped me to focus my thoughts, and realize that I wasn’t happy where I was working. I ended that membership when I decided to go back to school, and we moved back to NH.
Then, the next time I joined a gym was when we were in England. I had made a drunken promise to run a 10k race, and needed to build some endurance in order to be able to complete it. I was doing some training in terms of running, but I wanted to also have some reserve muscle mass in order to carry me through the race. I also joined with a co-worker of mine, and the gym became more than just a place to take out my frustrations. It also became a social call. I was pretty good about sticking to the routine there, and up until the race, you would find me there about three times a week, making measurable progress in my health. The gym itself had a great way of tracking your progress, which made a big difference for me, and by the time we left England, I had increased my oxygen capacity in my lungs, lost a few inches where I wanted to, and gained a few where I should. It was pretty motivating, and probably the best gym experience I’d ever had.
So, now I’m doing it again. Only this time, it’s with Nate. This is going to not only make going to work out a social event, when we can do it together, but also a way to do something for each other. We will be able to boost each other’s confidence, and help each other stick to our goals. Also, having Nate’s brother there to help guide us and give us suggestions will help to keep us both accountable for our diet and exercise patterns, which I know I’ll be needing.
But, at the heart of it, I still need to figure out what MY goals are for going to the gym. Here are some of the thoughts I had, both last night and this morning:
- I want to be able to DO something. I have a low endurance level, and would like to have the strength and balance to be able to perform a task, be it biking, hiking, swimming, or running.
- I want to tone up. I’ve got squishy spots all over that have never really been toned. I’d like to see how I can reshape my body and build muscle. This, hopefully, will feed into how I carry myself when I’m walking around. I don’t want to be that strutting ego-maniac you always see who’s so damn proud of how he looks that it’s all he can do but stare down his nose at you if you’re the least bit out of shape, but a little bit of that would be good for me. I’ve never been that pleased with my body’s appearance, and even subtle changes in my shape could make me feel a whole lot better about myself.
- I want to be healthy. Really healthy. I’m constantly fighting a battle with my genes, be it from heart disease and cholesterol to diabetes and cancer. I know that being active, and supporting that activity with a healthy diet, will help me fight back against these risk factors in my life.
For me these are the big reasons for going. There are also the side effects of being more flexible, having a better mental outlook on things, to be able to sleep better, to deal with anxiety better, and on and on.
SoundByte 47
Hey all! It’s actually the anniversary of the show, but I’ll be celebrating it next week (around December 7th) so please feel free to leave a comment at the blog, or drop me a voicemail (the number is in the show)! Thanks so much for downloading!
This week’s music:
- Demons – Fat Boy Slim featuring Macy Gray
- On A Good Day – OceanLab
- Swimming Places – Juliene Jabre
- Offshore – Chicane
- Never Say Never – Armin Van Buuren
- I Found U – Axwell
- Nobody’s Fault But Mine – Nina Simone
Podcast: Play in new window | Download
Homeward
So, I’m back at 39k feet, on the last leg of a long journey home. The weekend has been exhausting and drained me of a lot of stamina. Thankfully next week is a short week, and as I won’t be at work today, it will be nice to spend the day with Nate.
I miss him, but I know he had a great time when he could. We both managed to sleep only out of sheer exhaustion, so relaxing together today will be a welcome relief for both of us.
And, yes, red-eye flights are no fun unless they are direct and over ling distances. Lesson learned.
I will write more later.
Thom
In Flight
So, I’m currently mid flight between Boston and Minneapolis, MN, on my way to San Diego, CA to attend and work at the ACTFL conference. It has been the craziest month getting ready for this, and last night was the pinnacle of stress and anger as I worked furiously to make a major piece of presentational material ready for the show. Of course, it was wracked with problems and last-minute changes. Still, the end product us what it is, and I don’t want to make any more changes. Once we land, I will get to mess around on the laptop to get it all figured out.
It’s been a while since I’ve been away from Nate for any length of time, and actually, I think it might be a nice break away, if only to build the affection we share when we are together. I hope he has a great weekend, and I can’t wait to hear what he got up to.
For now, I’m at 34k feet, tired, hungry, and have a LONG day ahead of me.
Thom
