SoundByte 59
Good Morning All! It’s an Early Monday Edition of the show, so nevermind my bedroom voice and groggy tone. Today’s show is just a few updates, and the reason why I decided to wait till March 1 to record a show. Hope you all enjoy, and thank you so much for downloading!
This week’s music:
- Don’t Rain on My Parade – Bobby Darin
- Baby When The Lights Go Down – David Guetta featuring Cozi
- Swept Away – ATB
- To Love Somebody – Nina Simone
- The Storm (Inpetto Remix) – Jerry Ropero featuring Cozi
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Decided To Post
It has been a while since I had written anything here – or at least it’s felt that way to me, so I figured I’d sit right down and write myself a blog post. Yes, it’s been one of those weeks.
Things are winding down for me at DSW, thankfully. Today was, hopefully, the last Saturday morning I have to give up to the gods of consumerism and chasing paychecks. I won’t be working next week at 8am, and personally, I’m thrilled by that prospect. I only have a few short shifts between now and the end of my moonlighting job there, and to say that I’m happy to be rid of the place is an understatement. There have been moments in the recent shifts I’ve worked out of a sense of duty and responsibility to fulfill my two-week notice, that I just wanted to throw down my discount card and walk out. The petty, silly, stupid games played by managers in such a retail establishment, all focused on driving up numbers that equate to bonuses for them, just does my head in. I don’t live in that reality anymore, and frankly, I just don’t give a shit if a customer buys a pair of shoes or not. I just don’t care.
Tonight, Nate is off to Providence with his Friday Night Boys. It’s a gang of men he’s become friends with (and I have too, of course) that usually meet up on Friday nights at the Alley bar, here in Boston. It’s a great group of men, and though I already have plans tonight with Sean, I do hope he and the boys have fun in Providence. He has been working like a dog just to stay up to speed at his job, and he truly does deserve a night away from it all. That said, he works in the morning, and will be doing an all-nighter tonight…it’s what he does in order to have any semblance of a social life. No, it’s not the healthiest way to be, but needs must, and Nate needs to have a space of sociability in his life.
For my part, I’m all gussied up for an evening with friends myself, with dinner at friends, and then playing assistant on a photo shoot with Sean. It should be a good time, and I am looking forward to seeing an artist in action. This has been something he’s been planning for a while, so I hope it all goes good, and that I’m not in the way. I also hope to learn a little something about the photographer/model interaction. I will give a full report on the podcast tomorrow 
Things, as far as I know, are a go with Ethiopia, too. I put in for the 6.5 days off that I ‘d need to take, which would eat up all of my vacation time, but haven’t heard back anything from my manager.
Anyway, that’s about it. It was a long, arduous week at work, and I’m glad to be facing Saturday night again. It’s a good place to be.
-Thom
Thursday Morning Over Coffee
I do not know why, but it seems we’ve entered the darkest part of winter. Yes, yes, I know the sun is coming up earlier and setting later – it’s been doing that since December 21, 2009. Still, this time of year, the period between high winter and the beginning of spring, has become a real struggle as of late. Any energy that was on tap from the New Year, along with the resolutions and future planning, seems to have dried up, or just gotten lost in the thick of it all. I’m not sure why, or how I’m going to navigate my way out of this little hole I find myself in, but it’s taking all I have to just keep trying. No, I’m not necessarily whining (okay, maybe a little), as I know, once I find my feet under me again, I’ll be off and running like a shot. It’s just that I’m not getting any traction. The same can be said for life at work, and outside of work. I just feel like I’m keeping my head above a waterline that’s creeping up ever-so slowly.
I wonder what causes this? I know I’m not the only one who’s facing this feeling. Maybe it’s that, from a kid, we’re programmed to have a week off in February to gather our strength and get back on our feet? Maybe that’s what I miss? I do know, after a brilliant realization, that I’ll have next Monday off from at least one job, which, for me, is a sweet blessing. I’m hoping to spend my morning relaxing, somehow, and will have the energy to do the things I’ve been meaning to do for a while now. I still need to reconnect with influential people in my life and cajole them to write me a letter of recommendation. I still need to file my damn taxes. I still need to complete my FAFSA. I still need to write, and find some space in all this chaos to stoke that fire inside me which is nothing more than a bed of luke-warm coals at this point. I need to send an e-mail to my grandmother. There are so many things I need to accomplish – maybe I’m just feeling overwhelmed? Maybe this feeling of being in neutral is a direct response to how much I need to get done?
No, mom, it’s not procrastination. I will say, though, it might be lack of time management skills. Maybe I need to schedule myself more?? Ugh…I despise schedules, truly.
Anyway, as you can see, my mind can’t seem to stay on one train of thought for more than two seconds. It’s bouncing around like a pinball. I’m hoping to get through this cup of coffee, maybe pour another, and finally feel like I can start to face today. Just today.
-Thom
Mid-Week
I still can’t believe it’s only Wednesday. I’m feeling so tired, and beat down, surely, it must be closer to Friday than this? In any regard, I didn’t want to post just so I could bitch and moan. I wanted to just write down some of the thoughts that greeted me upon waking this morning.
Soon, there will be a shift in my life. Soon, if all goes well, my life will become a little restructured, and though I welcome a change up of things, I’m still wondering how I’ll make the adjustment. These changes, thankfully, have been coming at me in a semi-organic way – meaning if it felt good/right, I went with it; I am rolling with it. Still, as with most changes, there is an adjustment period, and it’s that time which usually causes the most anxiety in me.
Okay, so I’m talking rather nebulously, and for that I apologize. Honestly, after this Friday, I’ll go into more detail. I mentioned I have an interview for a new second/part-time job on the podcast. I’m also preparing myself mentally for the adjustment of school. I was working on my study plan yesterday morning, and as I was going into finer detail with what I want to focus on, and what I want my writing to explore, it really hit me that this whole process is going to take a large chunk of my already-short time. I may not have time to work both jobs, and attend to my studies. I would probably need to give up a job in order to create space in my day/week for the work I’ll be doing. I only hope I can manage to figure out a way to pay my share of the bills, and still be able to give the majority of my attention to doing my best with regards to school. Still, if there’ a will, there will be a way. It will be up to me to find it, and adjust. Always adjust.
For now, I do know I’m tired of working two jobs and having little to show for it. I can recognize when I’m not using my time in the most efficient way possible, or earning money in the most efficient way I can. I’m hardly using my degree, or any of my further education that I’ve already earned, so there’s lots of potential energy stored inside me that could be put to use. I could be commanding a higher salary, and it’s that realization that keeps me moving forward, trying to find the best balance of my time, and earning potential, to match my abilities and our expenses. Eventually, I will get there. Eventually, I will be in a more fiscally comfortable spot, with a work/life balance that comes close to the ideal for me. Until then, I’m going to be in flux, and I’ve got to keep on my toes.
Right…off to get ready to go to work!
-Thom
Tuesday Morning Random Ramblings
I woke up today with no intentions. I mean, normally, I wake up, make myself a cup of coffee, and sit down in front of the computer with the intention of putting some more words down, or catching up on the blogs I follow, or even just getting my iPhone updated. Today, though, none of that seemed to feel just right. I don’t know what’s going on with me, but lately, it feels like I’m just floating through my days, not really sure which direction I’m headed. I mean, I know I need to shower, eat, get to work, get home, then get to work again tonight. I also know I’ve got stuff I should be working on, and things I need to accomplish. It’s like just beneath the surface there lies all this motivation, but somehow, the surface of the pond has a skim of ice, and I can’t quite break through to that energy that lies just below, yet within sight. Even if I take a fist, or a hammer, to the ice, it’s strong these days.
And there I go talking in metaphor again.
I did manage to get my hands on a few books from the library yesterday, from probably the most disgruntled librarian I’ve ever met, I might add. Still, she checked me out, took my $.10 overdue fee, and at least she didn’t growl at me too loudly so as not to scare the children who were also in the library at that moment…
These are the books:
- How Fiction Works by James Wood
- Contemporary Gay American Novelists, edited by Emmanuel S. Nelson
- Rewilding the World: Dispatches from the Conservation Revolution, by Caroline Fraser
The last title was on a recommendation from listening to a show on NPR, and I know I’ve already got a STACK of books I should be reading, but from what I heard on the show (I think it was Talk of the Nation?), the book seems like it’ll be a good read.
Maybe I just need to get outside more often. It seems like, since we got back from Provincetown, I really haven’t gone outside during the day.
In fact, I spent most of last weekend inside, either at work, or here, at home, on the computer. Now that I think about it, maybe I’m just being super lazy, or avoiding the piles of work that are creeping in at me from all sides. Like my mom is keen to point out, procrastination has always been a fault of mine, and I just need to take the bull by the horns, knock off the BS, and get down to it.
Notice how the coffee’s kicking in, and my thoughts are starting to string together? Well, if not, I can certainly feel it.
So, here’s the plan, then. Strictly enforce a Twitter/Facebook blackout on myself for a few days, at least while I’m at home. Stop checking my damn phone for missed messages or updates from people. Take a little stroll in the morning to clear my head, and get me moving internally. Then, with a little music in the background, get down to it, and work some more on what I’ve been writing. See? When I put it down in writing, it doesn’t sound so hard, but when push meets shove, that’s where the true test of my resolve lies.
And, yes, I do enjoy a good stream of consciousness bit of writing from time to time.
SoundByte 54 Mid Winter Vacation Show
Today’s show is a reflection on the vacation that Nate and I took to mark our 9th year of being a couple. I also talk about where I’m at in my head, and where I am with regards to school, politics, and being social. It’s a reflective show, and a little random, but I hope you enjoy! Thanks for downloading!
-Thom
Leave a voice mail: (617) 466-9740
Today’s Music (in no order):
- Feel Your Love: Kim Sozzi
- Begging You (Armin Van Buuren Remix): Cerf, Mitiska and Jaren)
- A New Day: ATB
- Mysterious Skys: ATB
- Walking on Clouds: Tiesto
- Death and All His Friends: Coldplay
- Riddles in the Sand: Ron Hagen & Pascal M
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Early Saturday Morning
Its early. Not by Nate’s standards (as his day starts at 2am when he’s working), but by my standards, it’s early…especially as it’s day 6 of getting up in the pitch black.
Work really got under my skin this week. It reared it’s ugly head, and stopped a good flow of energy. Right now, I’m rather disgusted with myself for letting it get in the way of what I had started, especially in terms of building up my own self-esteem and self-worth. When I’m feeling confident in myself, in what I’m capable of, I’m a better person to be around. Nate can attest to that. When the shit started to hit the fan at work, and I didn’t stand up for myself, all of the sudden, it was like a house of cards, tumbling down…all the progress, confidence, and feelings of value I had towards myself.
Of course, that spilled over to home life, and by yesterday, I was in a dark spot. Unfortunately, I took that out on Nate, I got really upset, and my anxieties and insecurities kept him from having a good time out with a new friend of ours last night. Instead of being happy we got an invite out, and though I had to work, insisting that he go for both of us, I became a nervous, anxious jerk, who all of the sudden wasn’t comfortable with him going out like that without me. Of course, this led to a heated discussion where Nate reiterated my trust issues, and pointed out how much it’s hurt him over the time we’ve been together. It all culminated in a miserable night at work for me, with my thoughts continuing down a dark and winding path, while Nate was stuck at home, not wanting to upset me by not listening to me, and going out anyway, and furious with me and my insecurity demons.
I don’t know how I’m going to make this up to him, but this insecurity crap has to stop. I know I’m a decent guy who’s heart is in the right spot mostly. I know that Nate sees through all the b.s., and loves me for the person I have the potential to be, and will not stray from me. When I find I’m in a dark place at work, or anywhere, for that matter, I need to trust the voice inside me who gets really pissed off, and say something when I’m feeling dumped upon. On top of all that, I need to be a better husband and not worry about things that will never happen. I need to stop letting my over-active imagination take me to a place that is a) not real and b) only full of fear and anxiety.
Okay, off to work.
SoundByte 41
This week’s show is all about the upward swing things are taking, generally speaking. Links, ideas, thoughts, and comments always welcome. Program note: next week’s show is not going to happen, as Nate and I are on vacation, but do expect a full update, with pictures, when we return. Thanks for downloading!
This Week’s Music:
- Have You Ever by Brandi Carlile
- Ramble On by Led Zepplin
- American Dream by Jakatta
- Do I Move You by Nina Simone
- Give A Little Love by Bob Sinclair
- Never Say Never by Armin Van Buuren
- Your The First, The Last, My Everything by Barry White
- Army of Me by Bjork
- Dirty Water by the Standells
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Live for the Weekend
It’s 6:30 a.m. on Saturday, and I’m up, about to jump in the shower and get ready to go back to work. It seems, though, that this cycle of a 6-day workweek is becoming the standard in my life, and honestly, I’m done with it. I’d really like nothing more than to have more control over my job, to not be directed from on high so much, and to have a bit more say in what I do. This is the experience I had as a teacher, and anything less just reminds me of how little autonomy I actually have in the jobs I have now. Right now, it’s directives, direct orders, and threading the needle with regards to eeking out time for myself, to be myself, and do the things I want to do, not what I have to do.
Last week’s therapy session reminded me of how scrunched up things are right now. By scrunched up, I mean compacted, rushed, and lacking any room to breathe or move too much. We don’t have a lot of space to spread out, to explore our own creative streaks, and it’s something Nate and I want to rectify with our next move. I’m planning on going into more detail tomorrow on the SoundByte, but suffice to say, we just want more space. Right now, I have about six hours on Sunday morning to stretch my creative arms, and take on projects that involve creating or producing something, or just doing things I enjoy. This includes the podcast, the photography, or just simply sitting in the sun on the couch, reading a book. Six hours isn’t much. For me, it’s not nearly enough, and I want more space in my life to be more creative, to stretch out, and to actually lead a more fulfilling life.
Living for the weekend is not the kind of life I really want – Living for each day would be preferable. Each day should include space and time where I can stand on my own two feet, feel like a little master of my own universe, and take stock of where I am at, and where I want to be. Right now, that doesn’t happen. I feel pushed along like a beef critter in a stockyard. I get rather antsy when I don’t feel like I have some measure of control over where I go and what I do.
So, that’s where I’m at right now. Now, I’ve gotta get ready for work. Talk to you again soon!
-Thom
Up Early
Something has me getting up early these past few days. By early, I’m not talking Nate’s work schedule “early” (he’s up at 3:00 am), but certainly anywhere between 4:30 and 5:30 am. For me, this isn’t too out of the ordinary, as I’ve always been an early riser. Still, given that I’ve been on screech for a while now, you’d think I’d take in every drop of zzz-time that I could get my hands on. I’m not sure what it is, but I’d like to figure it out.
Getting up like this, however, gives me time to peruse the net, check out all the sites I don’t have time to keep up on, watch some youtube videos, read my friends’ blogs, and not have to rush my way off to work. Well, okay, so that last one seems to always happen, no matter when I get up (I’m a procrastinator at heart – I can’t help racing the clock), but it’s nice to have some time in the a.m.
So, I’m up early…are you? What do you do when you get up early? I’m curious…
Health Care Reform Rally on Labor Day
Click the Pic for More!
Here are the pictures I promised I’d take at the rally. In all, it was a good rally. I listened to a few good speeches and was impressed at the turnout, given the holiday. I left feeling rather happy to be living in such a lefty-leaning state that already stretches to meet the needs of a lot of the community through state-mandated health insurance programs, but I know we’ve got a lot further to go. Oh, and I also got to hear from Martha Coakley – she’s the MA AG who has tossed her hat into the ring for senator, to replace Kennedy in January of 2010. I want to know more about her…she seems like a good thing, but I don’t know.
SoundByte 34
So, this post has been brewing for a few days now. Well, at least since I became of the current state of affairs with regards to the health care reform debate here in the United States.
Be warned, this show is half the usual banter, and half special comment from yours truly. I had to speak my peace, and I welcome you to do the same.
Please, let me know your thoughts. I’m very interested in hearing what you all have to say!
Thanks!
-Thom
Music in today’s show:
- Nina Simone: Don’t Let Me Be Misunderstood
- Radiohead: Bodysnatchers
- Dr. Rockit: Cafe de Flore
- Lily Allen: Smile
- Jack Johnson: Flake
- Alanis Morrisette: Crazy
- Cake: The Distance
- Bjork: Army of Me
- Snow Patrol: Run
- Melissa Etheridge: The Prison
- Motorcyle: As The Rush Comes
- Gabrielle: Dreams Can Come True
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SoundByte 28 Monday Morning Quick Show
It’s a quick show this morning (under 10 minutes, I think) with a quick recap from the week (mostly the weekend). Enjoy!
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SoundByte 27 Saturday Show
Today’s show is a shift from last week, with a bit of a reflection on the week prior, including my thoughts about Pride, work, and the future. Have a listen, and enjoy! – Thom
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SoundByte 26 An Invitation to Discuss
This is not the usual podcast episode. I pull back the curtain, speak as frank as I can, and show the world where Nate and I are at, as a couple, and what we’re facing currently. Have a listen, and share your thoughts. Thanks!
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The Untimely Post
So, I’ve been trying to post a whole bunch of pictures I took this weekend because it was probably the best weekend I’ve had in such a long time! I’ve got well over 300 pics to share with you all – some are already posted from Saturday (check the drop down menu in the top right of your screen), but today, Sunday, it was nigh on 60F outside, and I took an extended walk to a part of town I haven’t been to in ages, with my camera in tote.
I will get these additional pictures up soon, and will do a proper post about the events of the weekend, but suffice to say, I hope I have many more weekends like we just had…pillow fights, Canada Geese, car trips to the Cape, and more!
It’s after 11pm, however, and like all good things, this weekend must come to an end, but fear not. I’ll be posting again soon – and maybe do some more audio stuff too.
Take care!
-Thom
SoundByte 17 We Are Moving!
[podcast format="video"]http://teachingthomas.net/SoundBytes/SoundByte 17 We Are Moving.m4a[/podcast]
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Monday Morning Mood Swing
[podcast format="video"]http://teachingthomas.net/SoundBytes/Monday Mood Swing.m4a[/podcast]
I didn’t like yesterday’s recording, but it is what it is.
This one is FAR more upbeat, and full of dancey-trancey music. Enjoy!
-Thom
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October 26 SoundByte
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More talk about sub-teaching, the job hunt, and a few shout-outs and thank-yous!
-Thom
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Quiet Sunday
Mum and Dad II have left, Nate’s at work, and I’m here, at home, just browsing the net for work, reading up on politics, and listening to podcasts. Yet another quiet day.
Last Friday, Nate had a really nice idea. He had got a nice bonus in his paycheck – something that happens when sales in his department are over budget projections – so he thought of something to give back to his parents for letting us stay here, with them, and for everything they’ve done for us. Nate wanted to get his parents something they’d both enjoy, and both get use out of – he’s ultra practical like that.
So, we did some browsing online, then headed down to the local Apple store, and got his parents a Mac Mini!
This fabulous little machine is a massive update from the computer they were using. It’s easy to set up, and it’s easy to use, especially for Nate’s mom, who’s always been too nervous about messing up the old machine that she doesn’t use it. In the past two days, though, I’ve seen her go into the room where the Mini is set up, and actually sit down to check her e-mails, and write some. She’s even been able to upload pictures into iPhoto, and is figuring out how to send them to her sisters and brothers. Nate’s dad, for his part, is excited to get into the Mac, and figure out how it works, and play around with the settings and stuff. In short, for not that much money, we’ve been able to give them something that they’ll enjoy for quite some time. Nate is such a good person for thinking of this, and though we’re not very wealthy, we’d be far worse off if we didn’t have a roof over our heads, food in our bellies, and a place to put our heads at night that is warm and dry.
I’m also pleased that Nate’s mom will be able to read and respond to this blog, so when she sees this, Welcome Gigi!
-Thom
